All my work life I was forced to constantly be looking toward the next thing. As an activity director in a nursing home, where I started my career, it was always, "what are we doing next?" as soon as one activity was wrapping up. When I moved on to marketing, I was always looking to the next deposit, the next move in and the next sales call. And then, when I made the move into administration, it was going from one crisis to another, never having time to sit back and relax and enjoy the seniors, who were the reason I pursue that line of work to begin with.
Then I had children. And my mind is never quiet, always thinking about what needs to be done; the dishes sitting on the counter, that next load of never-ending needing washing, the list goes on and on. But I was recently given two very valuable lessons in slowing down and enjoying my children's childhoods. And the lessons were given to me by the very children I was staying home with so I wouldn't miss the little things.
One of the things you hear over and over and over again when your child is born is "enjoy it. It goes by so quickly". "Sure it does," I thought. How could changing diapers and sleepless nights possibly go by quickly. How right everyone else was and how wrong I was!! Here is M, almost two years old somehow, yet I swear he was just born yesterday. He's sleeping in a toddler bed. He's had his first sleepover with Nanny and Pop-pop. He's growing up so fast. And C. He can now be set on the floor and he can sit up by himself, and propel himself all around to get to the toys he wants. How on earth did this happen? I KNOW he was just born.
I have found myself saying to the hubs at least weekly (but probably more frequently) "I don't want them to grow up too fast but it will be nice when..." And it's true. It will be nice when there are no bottles to wash. But I don’t want them to grow up too fast. I don’t want to miss anything. And I still have so much to learn from them. Which brings me back to these valuable lessons in slowing down.
I decided one gorgeous day to take the boys for a walk outside. We have a long driveway and, when taken at a good clip can be a bit of a workout. A quarter mile long one-way, you have an uphill way and a downhill way. I was barely able to walk back up one day when I was pregnant. Thinking this would be a god way to get a little exercise and get the boys some fresh air after lots of rain, we set off…at not such a fast clip. The first stop was about three feet into our walk to examine a stick. The stick came with us. The next stop was to see an acorn. The acorn was given to me as a gift. The next stop was a yellow leaf. Treasure of all treasures!! Also given to Mommy for safe-keeping. Our quarter mile walk continued this way all the way down the drive. I got very little exercise, but I rediscovered many of the wonders of nature. Although I do see that I am going to need to brush up on my knowledge of nature in order to continue our excursions. The total tally from our walk was 2 sticks, 4 acorns, 1 yellow leaf, a few red leaves and a red berry I was afraid to let him touch, not knowing what it was. Also multiple answers to questions regarding “wotta noise” and identifying various nuts, leaves and sticks.
My second lesson came a few days later. C, a notoriously poor napper dozed off on my lap for his morning nap. I usually take morning nap time to do various minor projects around the house; fold the load of laundry from last night, sweep under the sofa, answer emails, etc. It was so nice holding my usually restless baby while he slept soundly and peacefully for a change. I decided to let him stay there. After all, he would only be asleep 30 minutes or so. Well, he slept. And he slept and he slept and he slept. Two hours later, he stretched, rolled over in my arms and grinned up at me. A grin that only comes from a rest inducing nap. But something else happened too. I slept. I dozed on and off while C slept in my arms. Not the twitchy dozing of a mother who is holding an uncomfortable newborn, which is the role I assumed early in C’s life. But real power naps with a quick check on my quiet, contented child. And I felt peace. And refreshed myself after nap-time.
So yes, I am looking forward to my boys being older. Some things will be easier, and some things definitely will not, but that's OK. And I am so excited for when we can lie on our backs and gaze up at the clouds and talk about all that we see up there.
For now, I am learning to slow down and cherish every moment of joy and wonder they bring me, and they experience. I adore this time with them, even though it is the most difficult job I have ever and will ever have.
