Surviving a Natural Disaster

This week, we encountered an unpredicted and unprecedented earthquake on the east coast and a Category 1 hurricane.  Prior to children, my earthquake response would have been, "WTF was THAT!?!? Cool, an earthquake!"  After kids, it went more like this: "WTF is THAT?!?!  Where are the boys!!??  M GET IN HERE NOOOOWWWW!!! Stay close to Mommy."  Dialing the hubs.  Can't get through.  Minor panic.  Dialing the hubs.  Can't get through.  Minor but growing panic.  Dialing the hubs.  Whew! Got through. "Did you feel that earthquake?  Scared the crap out of me! No we're fine.  I kept the boys near me.  Something fell in the other room but I haven't gone in yet to see what it was. OK. 'Bye"  Calling the landlady because I NEED to talk to someone who just felt was I felt.  Finally wandered into living room to see what fell; my laptop on top of my glasses.  Uh oh.  Earthquake damage.  Well, we did have actual earthquake damage to the well that has rendered our water unfit to drink still.  But everyone is safe although not quite as secure as we were before 5.9 hit the east coast.

Enter Irene.  Now, please don't get me wrong.  I know some areas had actual flooding, major damage, outages and even some deaths, but the media coverage of this storm in our area was complete hype and overkill.  But, since we have small children, we prepared.  Normally, hurricane preparedness for me would involve finding out where the party is, wine, snacks, maybe a new sexy nightie for the hubs and I in case we can't get out and maybe some board games.  About 2 hours total time of getting ourselves in order.  OK, yes, the computers and cell phones would also get fully charged.  But for Hurricane Irene things were very different.  Our most recent hurricane in this area was Isabel and her impact to my life was pretty significant.  But as a single person, easy enough to deal with.  So, with this experience in the forefront of my mind, we began preparations for the impending doom that would be Hurricane Irene.  Having worked my entire career in senior healthcare, especially after the disaster of Hurricane Katrina, emergency/disaster preparedness is something I know well.  We filled the bathtub with water.  We filled ziploc bags with water and stuffed our freezer full.  We took full inventory of our candles and flashlights.  We purchased lots of non-perishables.  We already had plenty of bottled water since Tuesday's earthquake.  Both cars were gassed and ready to go if necessary.  Both cell phones, the iPad and both laptops were fully charged.

With preparations finally completed, we waited.  And waited.  And waited some more.  Then it started raining.  And that was about it.  Until 10:00 pm when we finally heard wind blowing.  But up until that point, Irene had shown us little more than a normal rainy day.  We kept the TV on The Weather Channel, alternating with a local channel, to get the latest developments.  Of course, we missed the mooner on The Weather Channel.  That was the most exciting thing that would have happened here during the storm.  We did hear a tree or two come down in the night but by morning light, we were no worse for the little bit of wear and tear we encountered.  We didn't even lose power which is significant in and of itself as in this house, we lose power if someone sneezes too hard.

But a week of natural potential disasters made me think hard about how ready are we really in the event we have to leave and leave quickly.  No quick exit can be made from our apartment.  We live in a third floor walk up; 5 flights.  Add two small children, one of whom can walk the steps if you hold his hand, and things get slowed way down.  In the event of a quick evacuation, we are screwed.  Enter (dah dah dah dah!) Zombie Mom!!  In my undead little brain, I am devising an exit strategy that will be much quicker than President Obama's from Afghanistan.  A back pack full of diapers and other bare essentials so I can grab it from the closet and slap it on my back, while keeping both arms free, one for each little boy.  Unfortunately, there is a major flaw in this plan (which I will execute before week's end).  M's duck.  Duck duck is a 7 inch stuffed duck security blanket.  He can do without any of his other animals.  But not Duck duck.  Duck duck was missing for 45 minutes one day at nap time.  No nap was taken until he was recovered in the pantry behind several baskets.  The hubs made the mistake of putting Duck duck in the wash too close to bedtime.  No other animal would do.  Even the other regulars that share his sleeping space.  It had to be Duck duck or it was clear there would be no sleep for anyone that night.  After that evening, we began the search for a second Duck duck, just in case the unspeakable was to happen. Well, apparently Duck duck is a one of a kind.  We have looked EVERYWHERE they carry Carter's products.  And there is no duck to be found.  So, should we ever have to leave for fire, earthquake or tornado, a fully stocked back pack is a great idea.  But I will still need to take the time to locate a certain feathered friend.  Or M may never sleep again.

Did you know...?

Did you know that they make countertop dishwashers?!  It’s amazing to discover what you don’t know and I am constantly reminded of these things now that I have children.  Did you know that the volume of a toddler’s voice is directly connected to the sleep cycle of the infant in the crib?  Did you know that even though a toddler has a limited vocabulary, they can still manage to talk all.day.long.?  Did you know that a second c-section heals quicker than the first?  Maybe out of necessity so you can care for both children.  It doesn’t matter why.  It just does and that’s a good thing.  Did you know that a colicky baby will eventually grow out of it and the smile that you discover afterward is so much more precious than you ever thought it could be?  Did you know that you can teach a child to sleep better? 

But the biggest “did you know” I have discovered is something that my OB should have discussed with me well before I delivered my second child.  Did you know that when you get your tubes tied, it’s not as easy as you think it will be?

Allow me to explain in the most delicate way possible without being way too personal or gross.  I became pregnant with C when M was between 4 and 5 months old.  I barely had time to breathe a sigh of relief that I was no longer pregnant.  My regular cycle had resumed just long enough to know when I was late.  In my many prenatal visits to the OB, we began discussing birth control options for the future.  The hubs and I knew we only wanted two children and we knew that we had to act quickly given I was over 40 when I got pregnant with M.  Since we were pregnant with our second child now, we decided to go with a permanent birth control option.  As I spoke with my doctor, he thought a tubal ligation was the way to go.  I was in agreement.  When I asked about how things would be affected, he told me that my cycle would resume just as it always had.  A man should never be the one consulting with a woman on this procedure. 

The day of delivery arrived and because of the sensitivity I had with the first pregnancy's spinal block, I was given an extra sedative this time which knocked me out nearly completely, although I hear from the hubs that I would start talking and end up snoring mid-sentence.  I was also in surgery much longer with C than with M, mainly because of the tubal.  I had some other minor complications recovering from the surgery including my temperature dropping and not going back up on its own, vomiting from the anesthesia (again) and a spinal headache (brutal).  But they were not that terrible.  I was discharged home with my new son and began the task of settling into my new life.  I had the usual recovery from childbirth and my body began the task of settling back into its monthly routine.

But did you know that when your cycle starts up again, it comes back with a vengeance?  I mean PMS like nobody’s business.  Cramps like I haven’t suffered from since college.  And the duration?  Holy cow!!  I had never EVER been incapacitated, for lack of a better word, for so long.  Never.  Having been on the Pill for many years prior to meeting the hubs, my cycle had shortened to 2 days tops.  Even after I stopped taking the pill, it stayed that delightful length.  Cramps were minimal and PMS nonexistent.  But about 2 weeks prior to my second regular period, I felt myself coming unglued.  My anxiety level was at such a height that I couldn’t handle both my boys crying at one time.  When one would start, I could barely take that but then the other would start and I found myself pointing at the second offender and saying in not such a quiet voice, “And don’t you start too!  I can’t take it!”  After two weeks of not recognizing or even being able to stand myself, there was one final incident where I found myself in front of the medicine cabinet questioning myself.  I immediately grabbed my cell phone and sent a message to my counselor requesting the earliest appointment she had.  I also called my doctor and reported feeling out of control.  I got an almost immediate appointment with both.

Here’s what I have learned:  it is common, yes common, to have this happen after a tubal.  Really!?  Don’t you think that is something a doctor should tell his or her patient who may be considering such a procedure?  I had chosen a tubal ligation because it is permanent and non-hormonal.  Being guilty of self-diagnosis, I had decided I was suffering from post-partum depression.  The Internet can be a dangerous thing because you can find enough information on any infliction to diagnose yourself with it.  I was sure I needed an anti-depressant.  After meeting with my shrink and telling her what had happened, she recommended an anti-anxiety.  Then I had my consultation with my doctor. This time I got to speak with a woman.  She is the one who said that the tubal is the root of all evil.  At least mine.  She recommended that I go back on the birth control pill.  Her thought is that leveling out my hormones would help with my anxiety and depression.

Well, she was right.  I have been taking the Pill again for one month.  It is amazing the difference in what I feel and how I handle everything.  I am no longer feeling out of control.  On a scale of 1 to 10, before the Pill, I was daily a 7 in the anxiety range and 10+ when things escalated.  Now, a 7 is my highest point.  I am relieved to be feeling so much better and when I feel the time is right, I will share my PPD journey here.  But for now, I will just caution women, that while I am sure the tubal is a beneficial procedure in that it is a permanent form of birth control so there is no worrying about unexpected news, please ask way more questions than I did.  Be specific.  And don’t accept a man saying, “Things will go on just as they always have.”  The woman doc in my doctor’s office says that your period will come back stronger and meaner than ever, every time.

Isn't it funny that I opted for the tubal ligation to avoid a hormonal form of birth control and I am now taking birth control pills anyway.  

The Post Baby Work Out

Finding time to exercise since C's birth has been a bit of a challenge.  I was a terrible pregnant woman and considered a trip up and down the stairs exercise.  Well, multiply that by 2 years and you have the length of my exercise hiatus.  Two years of no ab work.  Two years of no running, no Buns of Steel, no horseback riding-he is also way out of shape-and no lifting heavy objects like bags of horse feed.  So my fitness level and my shape have suffered.  My size used to be a perfect little 4 petite, although at the time, I was hard on myself and how I looked anyway.  Now my once 6 pack abs are shaped more like a bowl of jello.  My buns of steel are more like buns of jello.  My once strong arms can only lift jello. And I have underarm wings!  No kidding!  I waved at my son the other day and felt something flapping back at me.  When did this happen?!?  How did this happen?!?  Oh yeah, those two years straight I was ginormous with child.  M loves it when I pull my shirt up and pat my flab for his entertainment.  The hubs tells me he thinks I am sexier than ever.  I, however look in the mirror with a more critical eye.  That's a muffin top.  And a dimple is not cute on that cheek.  And the dress I was planning to wear for our upcoming fall wedding season?  Let's just say if you can picture Mrs. Wiggins from the Carol Burnett Show, you have a very accurate image.  Not pretty.

So I have devised a way to sneak exercise in throughout my busy zombie mom day.  I am only about 15 pounds from my pre-M weight but I am miles form my pre-baby shape.  Here are a few of the exercises I have incorporated through my day:
The Baby Bicep Curl:  Pretty self explanatory.  Take the baby (the toddler protests this move too much) under each armpit and curl him up to your face and back down again. You can give him a smooch on the forehead for extra fun.
Infant Ab Roll: Lie on your back on either a large bed or on the floor with your knees drawn up, shins parallel to the flat surface you are on.  Place said infant on your shins, carefully of course, with his head and arms above your knees.  Hold onto his hands and curl your knees toward your chest and, at the same time, raise your head and shoulders off the floor, pulling them toward your knees.  To keep baby entertained, make faces at him as your faces draw closer together.  Funny noises also work.  Depending on how long your legs are, the toddler enjoys this move.  We have trouble with this one.
Tiny Tot Tummy Trimmer:  Take either child and hold in a cradle hold and twist at the waist as far as you can go to both sides.  For added intensity, hold the child away from your body and get an arm workout as well.  Faster gives the child a better ride and you a better workout.
The Rock-A-Bye Baby Sumo Squat:  Another endurance move performed by holding baby on either shoulder and rocking side to side to get the little darling down for a nap.  This move is repeated at least 2 times a day.  Intensity can be added by bending your legs into a squat with each rock of the baby.  The lower the squat the higher the intensity.  And by holding baby, it becomes a weight bearing exercise.

Peek-a-Boo Calf Raises:  This move will require some of you taller moms to raise the mirrors in your house.  Fortunately for me, I have the stature that requires no redecorating.  Choose a mirror anywhere in the house and make sure the baby is facing it.  Standing, raise yourself up on your toes so that baby can see his reflection in the mirror.  After he sees himself and reacts, lower yourself back to the floor.  Repeat until you your baby stops reacting to his reflection or your calves are burning.  Your calves will probably give out before your baby does.  I have found saying, "Baby!" "No baby!" pumps up the fun factor and making baby laugh will increase your ability to keep going long after the burn starts.
Son Shoulder Press:  This also works with a daughter.  It can be done standing, sitting or lying down.  Hold child securely around upper body and under his arms and raise above your head and down again.  Again, a great opportunity for funny faces, smooches and goofy noises.  A word of warning from experience, whatever you do, do it with a closed mouth, especially if your child has just eaten or is teething.  Otherwise, you may get rehydrated in a most unpleasant way courtesy of your loving child.
The Toddler Trot:  Not to be confused with The Diaper Dash, The Toddler Trot is performed by running around with and after your toddler as he plays.  This exercise is an endurance move, happening all day long at different speeds.

The Diaper Dash:  Unlike The Toddler Trot, The Diaper Dash is a sprint.  Think intervals occurring several times throughout the day but not continuously.  Its a quick dash to catch an active toddler long enough to get his diaper changed.  This move requires not just quickness but agility and timing.  This is an all over body workout that will improve lung capacity, fine motor skills and will aid you in learning those quick turns and twists used in football.
The Diaper Derby:  This move happens daily too.  It is when both boys need a diaper change and you have them lined up.  Its more like a pro-wrestling move when you are tag-teamed by the bad guys, you will find yourself flipping the child over, trying to catch flailing feet while staying out of range and doing a 180 to perform that trick all over agin.

And of course, with the proper amount of training, you will soon be ready for the Obstacle Course:  Basically, this involves navigating your child's chosen place of play while carrying your second child and trying to prepare a meal for at least one person.  This move will require agility, endurance and an amazing amount of self control to not say something a well versed toddler should not hear or repeat as you slide on one of the hundred tupperware lids strewn across your kitchen floor, balancing a child in one arm and a plate in the other hand, and usually a bottle in the baby hand, while remaining upright.  When you can successfully master this move without uttering a single word of profanity, you are a fit Zombie Mom.

While having incorporated all these moves into my daily routine, I am still mourning the loss of my pre-baby body.  I adore my children and given the choice between them and that unscarred, stretch mark free pre-baby body, I would choose them every time without hesitation.  But I would really like to fit into that awesome dress again.  And my teeny tiny pre-baby bikini that mocks me from my dresser. Sigh.  I guess I should be satisfied that I am a mom of two beautiful boys, 43 years-old and still able to pass the pencil test.